News of the Week 7-11-08
Mar 22, 2008 in News of the Week, Uncategorized
Iraq News: The U.S. is reportedly seeking 58 military bases, total immunity and an indefinite stay in Iraq. In a related story, Iraqis are seeking water, electricity and food.
National News: President Bush still clings to his claim that the economy is doing well and said, “It’s a good time to buy a house.” Yeah, and an airline, and Circuit City, Chrysler, General Motors , Bear Sterns..
Political News: Barack Obama’s former pastor is getting more and more bizarre. He now says that the high price of gas is due to Dick Cheney and his friends. OK, he’s right on that.
Environmental News: To show that he cares about the environment, President Bush announced his plan to limit greenhouse gases. The president said he will ban all greenhouses beginning next month.
Connecticutt News: Police officials are saying they found a pipe bomb planted inside a dead chicken along the freeway. So, it sounds like al-Qaida is starting to have some serious budget problems.
Florida News: Pundits are saying that by Florida delegates only getting ½ a vote at the Democratic National Convention, Democracy is being diminished. Actually, compared to Florida and the 2000 election, it is a step in the right direction.
New Hamphire News: A man who tried to haggle over the price of a used $15 bread maker was later charged with theft when police found him with the machine (I couldn’t resist this), loafing at the beach.
San Francisco News: The city wants to name the city’s sewage treatment plant after President Bush. Inside the plant will be an exhibit showing visitors the difference between weapons of mass destruction and Shinola.
Texas News: The Texas Supreme Court has ruled church exorcisms are constitutional. Such a religious ritual is a very complicated procedure. You might say,The devil is in the details.
Political News: People are still talking about a Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton ticket this November. It would be the first combination of an African American man and a white woman since, well… Michael Jackson
McClellan Update: Former Press Secretary Scott McClellan’s new book “What Happened” is full of inside information about how the public was mislead prior to the invasion of Iraq. A better name for the book might have been, “Stuff That Would Have Been Really Helpful To Know 5 Years Ago.”
Obama Update: When speaking in Montana, Barack Obama got a standing ovation when he said, “It is time to take back the country.” The bad news was he was on an Indian reservation at the time.
Passport News: American passports are now being outsourced for manufacturing in foreign countries. This is how a global economy works. When an illegal alien from Mexico living in California and working in a Japanese-owned company wants to go home, he uses a passport made in Thailand that he gets by calling a customer service number in India. This could be the thing that finally makes Lou Dobbs head explode!
Social News: Scientists say they have come up with a pill that makes you less shy. It makes you more outgoing and gives you more personality. And I am thinking, “Great” now I have to bring two pills on a date.
Television News: The Music Man aired again last week. The movie is set in the horse-and-buggy era. Viewers today think it’s charming that folks still had enough money to buy band uniforms after they filled up the horse.
Squib Notes:
1. Outrigger Canoe Veterans for Truth start running ads.
2. Breakthrough: Scientists produce corn from ethanol.
Quote of the Week: The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades
