News of the Week 10-2-08

Cuba News: Mostly no-shows at Gitmo reunion.

Switzerland News: Particle collider shut down after someone hears “big bang”.

National News: Econ 101 textbook costs President Bush $700 billion.

Election News: McCain replaces Palin with startled deer following interview with Katie Couric.

Health News: New research says eating vegetables shrinks the brain. Study funded entirely by eight-year-olds.

Wall Street: Duncan YoYo in talks to buy New York Stock Exchange.
Israel News: Israel is cashing in on the worl’s caviar crisis by exporting tons of the costly delicacy from farm-raised sturgeon. It may be a good short-term idea, but in the long run I bet it is a tough “roe” to hoe.

National News: The stock market closed last Monday down 777 points, the biggest point drop in history. The good news is President Bush was able to cross off the 10th and final item on his administrationâ’s bucket list.
ATF News: The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms is reporting it has lost 418 laptop computers and 76 hand guns in the past five years. Sources inside the bureau say alcohol may be to blame.
Economic News: The House plans to debate legislation to inject $50 billion of stimulus into the U.S. economy with the goal of creating new jobs. Mostly jobs in the currency printing business.

Election News: Major network officials announced today that two more presidential debates have been added to the schedule. Barack Obama will debate Sarah Palin on Oct. 18 and John McCain will debate her Oct 20.

Financial News: Senator Chris Dodd said that the economic bailout plan would “Put the Constitution at risk”. Wow, is he ever out of touch. We haven’t used that old thing in years!

Massachusetts News: Newspapers across the country ran a picture of a fire fighter in New Bedford reviving a cat by giving it mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. That is probably the story I would go with too if I were him.
West Virginia News: One of the state’s largest flea markets was destroyed by fire last month. The owners say that the damages are expected to be in the tens of dollars.

Question of the Week: Joe, If Congress reaches a deal on the bailout, what should I do then?

Answer: If you are an American taxpayer, grab your ankles!

Edwards Update: John Edwards apparently paid his mistress $100-thousand and gave her a mansion. Edwards still has his dream of ending poverty in the United States, but now he is ending it one woman at a time.

McCain Update: John McCain said that the fundamentals of our economy are still sound. To which O.J. Simpson said, “Hey, is it too late to get him on my jury?”

Obama Update: Barack Obama gave a speech in the middle of a rodeo ring in Colorado. He began his speech at the rodeo by saying, “Hello - I am what is known as a black guy.”

Palin Update: The Alaska governor is said to be focusing on economic issues in order to better help the ticket. She already has some unique ideas. For instance, changing the U.S. currency from dollars to pelts.

Reminder: Hindsight is $7 billion.

Weather News: I don’t want to say that this has been a bad hurricane season so far this year, but the director of FEMA has been busier than the Lamaze instructor at a Palin family reunion.

Squib Notes:

I went out and bought my wife a toaster and they gave me a free bank.

Quote of the Week: “When most Americans know the name of the Secretary of Treasury, that canâ’t be good.”